


Sciencing!!!!

by openendings



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Humanstuck, grumpy!Jade
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-06
Updated: 2012-11-06
Packaged: 2017-11-18 02:58:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/556118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/openendings/pseuds/openendings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The cutthroat rivalry between "girl geniuses" Jade and Roxy would be a <i>lot</i> more interesting if Jade wasn't imagining the whole thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sciencing!!!!

Week one of freshman year, and there was _sooo much_ to do. New friends to make, wizard-bearded professors to impress, and an unending supply of free junk from every corporation under the sun. Seriously, _all of the corporations_. If Jade saw one more free pen from someone dressed as a giant energy drink, she was going to scream. (Scream with delight, that was. She was already on ninety-nine.) 

It was sweltering hot Wednesday, and Jade was sitting directly underneath the ceiling fan, feeling cool air pulse down against her sweaty brow. It was her second physics recitation this week, and she could already tell it was going to be her favourite subject. 

"...and so the Crocker process doesn't actually _reduce_ the entropy-time relation, it's really just exploiting loopholes in the causal structure of time itself." 

It had taken a little sweet-talking the physics department until they were happy to let Jade enrol in _Physics 4.013, Advanced Transportal Mechanics_ , but she was glad she'd made the effort. Unlike her freshman classes, they didn't treat her like a child: the very first class, they'd gone through maths so arcane that some of the grad students sitting in looked sick. 

"All right, dudes. You remember that warmup quiz we did on Monday? I'm going to hand that back to you now." 

The TA was a goatee-sporting fellow who looked about thirty but whose understanding of slang was stuck in the seventies. Jade flashed him a buck-toothed grin as he tossed her her quiz results. 

"Now remember," the TA said, "even if your results are a little disappointing, this is, like, a benchmark, you dig? We're going to come back to these scores after the midsemester, and you're going to have your minds _blown_ at how much better you understand..." 

Jade had already tuned out; she was flipping through her multiple choice answers, searching for where she'd lost her last mark out of forty. 

(It was a forgotten minus sign. _Durr_ , though Jade with a sigh. It was always a minus sign somewhere.) 

"...and also, like, massive props to Roxy over there for a perfect score. Very groovy." 

_Who?_ , thought Jade, looking up. 

She had her answer a second later: 

"Oh. Em. Gee! Are you _serious_!?" 

The voice belonged to a girl sitting on a table at the opposite side of the room, who up until that moment had been half-sleeping on the shoulder of a thickset guy (who, if his confused expression was any indication, had never seen her before in his life). Now she sat bolt upright and pumped her fist in the air. 

"I gissed-- guessed like half of the answers!" Roxy gushed, as if this was a good thing. 

" _Dude_ ," said the TA, grinning, "you've sure got some good luck there." 

"Wanna get some good luck?" Roxy replied. "I mean, like, getting lucky?" 

She winked. Then, exhausted by this hard work, she collapsed back into her seat and onto the shoulder of her befuddled neighbor. 

"Uh..." The tutor blinked, then turned to Jade. "Oh, and Jade over here got thirty-nine, so well done too! We've got some pretty fly freshmen in this group, man..." 

"Woooo, go Jay-- Jade!" slurred Roxy. 

Jade realised that she'd been gaping at the other girl this whole time. She quickly closed her mouth. 

_Freshmen?_ She'd been _aware_ of Roxy's presence in the class the other day -- when the girl wasn't noisily slurping a bottle of juice, she'd been making terrible innuendo about the flavours of quarks. They hadn't even made it up to Heisenberg's fourth law; that was how distracting she'd been to the whole class. 

Jade hadn't realised Roxy was her age. She _certainly_ hadn't realised she was actually _qualified_ for this class. 

The TA continued: "Now, if you'll all turn to page one hundred and two, which of you dudes can explain to everyone what a Coloumb to the _i_ means?..." 

* * *

"How was your day?" 

"It was great! I got nineteen more free pens, and I went to a barbecue for the pet lovers society and signed up and they gave me a T-shirt with a squirrel on it, and also a cute guy from the student newsletter was there and I got to talk to him and he was telling me about all the little volunteer things I can do around campus. Also somebody beat me in a physics test, ugh, but whatever. Oh, and the anime club is having a Squiddle night next week! There's this sophomore girl there who's organising it; she has _really pretty_ beads and bangles and necklaces and things and it turns out she's doing marine biology and she wants to write a thesis on actual ocean zoology and Squiddles, which is _soooo cool_ I probably don't even need to tell you! Oh and I bought a Red Cross raffle ticket for a gift card at the local mall. How was yours?" 

"Tell me more about this person who beat you in a test." 

"She's a freshman too and... _How do you do that?!_ " 

"Do what, Jade?" 

"You know what!" 

"I haven't the slightest idea. Unless you're referring to my ability to see through your woefully transparent attempts to... be opaque." 

"Haha, that was pretty lame by your standards." 

"So bite me. I've spent my quotidian eloquence quota quarrelling with relativist quacks." 

"..." 

"Apologies." 

"How did you even know I wanted to..." 

"...talk about being beaten at physics? Come, now, Jade. How long have we known each other? I'm merely extrapolating from your non-existent track record of losing gracefully." 

"I do too lose gracefully!" 

"Remember when you were eight and you punched my brother in the face for beating you at backgammon?" 

"He was _cheating_!" 

"Irrelevant." 

"I'm going to my room now." 

"This _clearly_ helps your case." 

" _Augh._ " 

* * *

Jade next encountered Roxy that Friday. The Daredevil Engineers Club ran a weekly 'parts library' on the east lawn, where they let members borrow little odds and ends for two week loans: things like metal detectors, rare earth magnets, and so on. For a part-time inventor, full-time scientist like Jade, it was well worth the ten dollar sign-up fee. 

Jade had her eye on a transcrystal oscillator that they'd mentioned on the official web page. They weren't on the consumer market yet, and the club only had them because the Geology Department had ordered a surplus. 

"Oh, hey! Jade, right?" 

Jade turned to find Roxy standing in line behind her. 

"Yes," said Jade. "Roxy, wasn't it?" 

Roxy punched a few buttons on her phone, then tossed it into her purse. "Sooooo. You here for all the free science magic?" 

Jade suppressed a retch at the phrase _science magic_ and nodded. "Yeah. You too?" 

"Oh, defs. I wanna get some bits and bobs and do _so much sciencing_." 

"Umm, 'sciencing' is not a thing." 

"Suuure it is, Jadey! You don't mind if I call you that, right?" 

"Uh..." 

"Awesome, thanks Jadester. Anyway, sciencing is so much of a thing. A word's a word, you know what I mean?" 

"No," said Jade testily, "a word is _not_ a word. I mean, not like that." 

Roxy giggled and toussled Jade's hair. Jade batted her hand away. 

"You're funny, Jade!" Roxy said, staring several feet above Jade's head. "I like you." 

The line shuffled forward. 

"So how are you finding Transportal Mechanics?" said Jade conversationally. 

"Oh, it's totes awesome! There's a lot of weird numbers and words but I am so. Into it." 

"Hey, congrats on..." Jade coughed, then tried again. "Congrats on that pop quiz. The other day. Which you did well on." 

"Aww, thanks! You too!" Roxy clapped a hand on Jade's shoulder. 

"I, uh, didn't realise there were any other freshmen in the class. Nobody in the faculty mentioned it when I was trying to get them to enrol me. Man that was annoying." 

"You went through faculty admin? I emailed the prof-dude and told him I'd love him forever if he let me sign up." 

_She's kidding. Please tell me she's kidding._

"Nektht," called the guy manning the parts table. 

It took Jade a moment to decode his lisped instruction as "next". 

"Heya!" she said, moving ahead. "Do you guys still have that decommissioned transcrystal oscillator?" 

"We do intheed. Are you a member?" 

Jade fumbled for her membership card. "Yup. Here." 

"Thure thing. Juth thighn your name here, pleathe." He walked to a shelf behind him and pulled out the suitcase-sized oscillator. 

"Hey, what?" said Roxy from behind her. "I reserved that!" 

"What?" said Jade, halfway through scooping the oscillator up into her arms. 

"We don't have a rethervation written down here," said the lispy guy. 

"You totally should," said Roxy indignantly. "I emailed your co-ordinator guy. Stronghoof at xmail dot com. He said he'd make a note." 

"Thahak? Lemme see." 

"You can _reserve_ things?" said Jade. 

"Yeah," said Roxy, "you've just got to rub people up the right way, if you know what I mean..." She winked. 

"Ah, here we go." Lispy guy gave Jade an apologetic grimace. "Uh, thorry, but ith looks like we did promise the thranthcryth... the _thing_ , to the lady behinth you." 

Jade clutched the device protectively to her chest. "No way, I got here first!" 

"That's not fair!" said Roxy. "I left a pre-party early for this!" 

"Why do _you_ even want this?" said Jade. 

"To science with," said Roxy. "Same reason as you, right?" 

" _Science is not a verb!_ " snapped Jade, more loudly than she'd intended. 

"Whoa, there, calm your tits, sister. It's totally a verb if we all agree it is." 

"Well, I _don't_!" 

Lispy guy buried his face in his palms. "Oh gog, pleathe don't make a thene, you two." 

" _We're not making a scene!_ " said Jade. 

"Don't worry, we're cool," said Roxy. "I'll grab it in a few weeks, no biggie." 

"Oh nooooo," said Jade. "It's okay, I can..." 

"It's cool, Jadey." Roxy winked. "But you owe me one, okay?" 

"What? No, I..." 

"See ya!" 

Roxy skipped off. Literally: she skipped, scarf flapping behind her like something out of an old-school children's novel. 

Jade was left standing awkwardly at the front of the line, clutching the oscillator and feeling everyone else's eyes on her. 

"You're an athhole," observed lispy guy. 

* * *

Jade waited until she was half a mile away before kicking the nearest trash can. 

* * *

Jade wasn't vain, but she knew she had a real knack for science. At the age of two she'd been able to name all the planets and moons in the solar system. By the age of four she had been rediscovering the laws of genetics by breeding frogs in her backyard. Her ninth grade science project, a lightbulb whose toggle switch only worked when that was inconvenient for the person pressing the button, was so cutting edge that it got published in the _American Journal of Psychotransistor Theory_. 

She was having a little trouble believing that she'd been one-upped _twice_ by a living, breathing cheerleader stereotype. 

* * *

A week later: 

"If you don't like your major, then change! Fef from anime club says admin is really flexible about it." 

"It's cool, I guess. But I didn't sign up for Greek tragedies; I want to get on to the modern stuff already!" 

"Uh-huh." 

"Are you even listening?" 

"Of course I'm-- _ow_! Stop it!" 

John flicked a rubber band at Jade. It bounced off her shoulder, and she did her best to ignore it as she continued to peruse _Intro to Zoology, Second Edition_. 

John was Jade's cousin, and he shared her buck teeth and myopia, but not her knack for the sciences, her sliver of Japanese heritage nor her sense of dignity. He, along with the Strider twins, shared a decently sized flat with Jade a few blocks away from campus. (It had only made sense: they were great friends, they were all heading to the same university two towns over, and between Jade's granddad and the Striders' parents, they could easily afford a place with several bedrooms and a real kitchen.) 

They'd all been friends since high school, and Jade knew that according to common wisdom she was _supposed_ to be drifting away from her high school friends right now, but she liked these three way too much to abandon. 

"Didn't you say they're covering Hitchcock by the end of this semester?" said Jade. "It's not that long away." 

"Geez, Jade, I know _that_. But the later year subjects sound so cool! How did you get to do advanced physics so fast? _So unfair._ " 

Jade glanced around. They were in the foyer of the campus library, which was a fairly contemporary place with colourful furniture and a spacious skylight. Rows of bookshelves were placed seemingly randomly around the room's periphery, their rectangular ends pressing uncomfortably against the sinously curving walls. 

Satisfied that nobody particularly bossy was around, Jade fished out the remainder of her lunch and started munching it. 

(John wasn't a fan of pastry. He had sabotaged their flat's oven within hours of their arrival.) 

"It tastes good," she said. 

"It's batter-y and pastry-y and _evil_ ," said John, crossing his arms. 

"Yeah, well, _nyeh_." 

"Don't you _nyeh_ me!" 

"It's a free country, and I..." 

A flash of purple in the corner of Jade's eye caught her attention. She turned for a closer look and immediately recognised Roxy, carrying a stack of textbooks in her direction. She was yapping noisily to a friend, a lanky brunette with her hands stuffed into the pockets over oversized denim jacket. 

"Oh, no," said Jade. "Oh, no, oh, no." 

John looked up. "What's wrong?" 

"It's _her_ , John!" Jade whispered. "Roxy! From my class!" 

"The one who tried to steal that crystal whatsit from you?" John whispered back. 

"Yes, John, that one!" 

"The one who you said you were going to steal her scarf so that she would see what it felt like? That is a pretty sweet scarf, by the way, it is totally a thing an actress would wear." 

"Yes, John..." 

"Like, a _good_ actress, I mean. Not like the old, boring kind like Helen Mirren or something. More like Angelina Jolie in _Hackers_ , except obviously not because it's not really the sort of thing a sassy hacker girl would wear." 

By this point, Roxy had spotted them, and was speeding towards them in an uneasy high-heeled gait. 

"Jaaade!" she cried. "Jadey! Fuck, what are you doing here? That's awesome!" 

Jade forced a grin. "Hey, Roxy! What's up?" 

"Hey, we're gonna take the next table, is that cool?" 

Jade smiled so hard she might cramp something. "Sure!" 

Roxy's friend scowled. "Like we needed your permission anyway," she said, flipping them off and strolling past. 

As soon as they'd passed behind Jade and taken a seat on the next table, Jade turned to John and whispered, "See? She's such a jerk!" 

"Uh... I dunno," said John. "Her friend's pretty rude but she doesn't seem that bad. But I guess you know her better? Still, she doesn't seem that bad." 

"She might _seem_ friendly, but..." 

"Time to get our _study on_!" 

Roxy's exclamation briefly turned every head in the library. As she said this she reached into her impossibly tiny purse and pulled out a biology book and a forty-ounce bottle of juice. 

Her friend, meanwhile, noisily emptied the contents of her (taaacky) skull-and-crossbones backpack onto the table, and fished a magazine and a black marker pen out of the debris. 

"See?" whispered John. "She likes studying! Just like you! She can't be _that_ bad." 

Jade rolled her eyes. "I don't like _studying_ ; I like _learning_." 

"Suuure," said John. "Like they're not the same thing." 

"They so aren't! Also she's a jerk." Jade glanced up to make sure Roxy hadn't heard, then added, "A _super_ jerk." 

She turned back to her textbook, but had trouble concentrating. It didn't help that Roxy and her friend were yammering away loudly, apparently completely unfazed by common courtesy or the "Please study quietly" signs all over the tables. 

"So I told him, arr tee eff em, script kiddie, and he just went _mental_. He was cursing and calling me a bitch. Sentences made entirely of 'bitch'. Like some kind of... dog show breeding thing. With bitches." 

"So what'd you do to that loser? Did you tell him you'd break his legs?" 

"Nah, I just hacked his box and renamed all the non-system files to 'bitch'." 

"Hahahahahahahaha! Oh man, Roxy, you are on _fire_ this week!" 

Jade rolled her eyes at John. He smirked and went back to being engrossed in his pile of readings. 

Jade decided she'd try to do the same. 

For a few minutes, it was working. She was actually starting to make headway on centaur ecology. 

Then, Roxy's friend loudly exclaimed the most stupid thing Jade had heard ever: 

"Man, _fuck_ blind girls." 

Jade had had enough. She twisted her head towards Roxy's table and snapped, "Would you two _please_ keep it down!?" 

"Oh, no problem!" said Roxy. "We are gonna zip our lips..." -- she mimed something indiscernably with one hand -- "...so tight, you have no idea." 

About thirty seconds later, Roxy's friend started talking again at the exact same volume as before. 

"Who is that and what is her problem?" 

"That's Jade," said Roxy in what she probably thought was a whisper. "You know? The one from my transportal mechanics class?" 

"Oh, you mean the up-tight one?" said Roxy's friend. 

Jade gripped her pencil so hard it snapped. 

"Uh, Jade...?" said John. 

"Yeah, yeah," Roxy was saying. "She's really smart though. Just bossy." 

"Yeah, what even is it with people?" said Roxy's friend. "Bossing and glaring and judging all the time. Hey, maybe she's got a testtube stuck up her--" 

With a look in her eyes deadly enough to shoot down birds in midair, Jade pushed back her chair with a loud scrape and stood up. 

"Jade!" whispered John warningly. 

Ignoring him, Jade rolled up her sleeves, spun around and stormed towards Roxy's table. 

Roxy grinned and beckoned her over. "Hey Jaaaade! We were just talking about you!" 

"Don't you 'hey' me!" said Jade. She levelled a stern finger at Roxy. "You are the most _immature_ person I've ever encountered!" 

"Heeeey," said Roxy, putting a hand on Jade's shoulder (which Jade brushed off angrily), "calm your tits, girl. Did I do something rang-- uh, wrong?" 

Roxy's friend snorted. " _Pleeeeeeeease_ ," she drawled. "'Jade' here's got a chip on her shoulder, that's all." 

"A _chip on my shoulder_?" said Jade, bristling. 

"That's right," the girl said, tossing her head back and letting her mess of hair fall freely behind her. "I bet you get jealous whenever you see _anyone_ having fun." 

"Frisk... Verris... _Serket_ , don't be so harsh on her," said Roxy. 

Serket, or whatever her name was, just laughed. "Hey, there's nothing wrong with having haters! It's kind of flattering, really; it means we're doing something veeeeeeeery right." 

"I am _not_ flattering you two!" huffed Jade. 

"Jade!" hissed John with visible concern. "Come back here already!" 

Serket arched an eyebrow. "Yeah, Jade, you really should listen to..." -- she glanced in John's direction -- "your friend with the incredibly dorky glasses." 

John grinned at this. "Heheh, you like them? They're like the ones Nicholas Cage wears in _Tresspass_ , I..." 

"What? No, I said they're dorky." 

"Oh?" John blinked. "I guess you must prefer pirates and stuff, what with your backpack. Which is pretty cool! But it's pretty dorky too because come on, pirates? Those were already dorky in middle school. But it's totally okay that you like them!" 

Serket's mouth dropped. "You did _not_ just... No! Pirates are _not_ dorky!" 

"There's nothing wrong with that! My friend Dave says all the movies I like are dorky, too, but that's totally cool because we're allowed to like whatever we want!" John rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Well, he doesn't _say_ the second half, but, point is, you..." 

"Oh my god. Do you ever shut up?" 

"Sure I do. Watch this!" 

A few seconds passed in silence. 

Serket snorted. "Pssssssssh. You're totally going to start talking again, any moment now. I just know it." 

"Am not." 

"Ha!" 

"Hey, that doesn't count!" 

"Them's the breaks," said Serket. She stood up and crossed over to the other table. "What's a lame kid like you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be at home watching stupid movies for girls...?" 

Dragging her eyes away from the spectacle (and fiercly hoping John could fend for himself), Jade looked back to Roxy. 

"Your friend's gone and done it now," said Roxy sagely. "I've never seen Vrikser... I mean, what's-her-face... get pissed off at someone so fast." 

"Don't change the subject!" said Jade, taking Serket's seat. 

"Oh em gee, don't get your panties in a knot." Roxy took a swig of her fruit juice -- which, now that Jade was close enough to tell, smelled suspiciously methylated. "Why are you in such a bad mood anyway, Jadey?" 

"Stop it with the nicknames! And... I don't know, you just make me really, really angry!" (Okay, so that was a little weak. How about...) "...fuckass!" 

"Oh, come on now! We're both like super science geniuses. We should be friends, not frenemies. I mean enemies. Friends not enemies." Roxy grinned. "Science girls represent, el oh el!" 

Jade glared. "Do you even know the first thing about science?" 

"Jade, I have poured so many funny colored things into test tubes to make more funny colored things. In dark rooms with UV lights only. I have all of the science cred." 

"See, this is exactly what I'm talking about! What are you even doing in my classes? _Why are you borrowing transcrystal oscillators?_ " 

"That's for you to know and... That's for _me_ to know and you to find out." Roxy winked. 

"I... bluh!" 

Unable to properly voice her frustration, Jade settled for throwing one of Roxy's pencils at her. 

The blonde laughed. "Omg, Jade, you are _adorable_." 

Growling, Jade stood up, marched back to her table, and began shovelling her things into her bag. 

"Come on, John, we're going," she snapped. 

"What, already?" said John. "But..." 

" _We're going_ ," said Jade, giving him one of her trademark _no arguments, fuckass_ faces. 

"Got it." John turned to Serket, who was still sitting in Jade's seat. "Hey, uh..." 

"This is _not_ over, four-eyes," said Serket. She flipped open the book John was reading ( _oh god that's a library book_ , thought Jade) and messily scrawled something down on its inside cover. "My Pesterchum handle. Add me, okay?" She paused. "Or don't. Whatever. I don't really give a shit." 

"John!" said Jade, tugging at her cousin's sleeve. " _Leaving._ " 

John laughed. "Okay, okay! Sheesh, Jade..." 

"Hey!" Serket called after them. "If you don't add me, you're dead meat, you hear me?" 

"See youse around!" Roxy called after them. 

"See _yourself_ around!" snapped Jade. 

* * *

Once they were safely outside, John directed Jade to a bench and sat her down, looking uncharacteristically serious. 

"Jade?" he said gravely. 

"Yes, John?" said Jade. 

"Why are you trying to make enemies our first month at college? Shouldn't that wait until _after_ we become crime-fighting superheroes?" 

"I'm not trying to make enemies! Roxy is just a really, _really_ annoying person!" Jade crossed her arms sullenly. 

"Is this just because she beat you in a pop quiz?" 

"It is _not_ , John. There's loads of other reasons." 

"Oh yeah?" John waggled his eyebrows. "Like what?" 

"Like... like... Look, there's way too many reasons to describe, okay? She's just annoying. I don't like her." 

"Jaaaade," said John pointedly. 

Jade rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay, whatever! Even if we got off on the wrong foot..." 

"Which you _di-id_ ," said John in a sing-song voice. 

"...she's still a real ditz." 

"Maybe you've got to get to know her better," said John. 

Jade groaned. "Do you _always_ have to see the best in people, John? Can't you be a _little_ pessimistic for once?" 

"Absolutely not!" John grinned cheesily. "Those are the rules." 

"Yeah, right." 

"Hey, wanna check out the film club? They're screening back to back Bruce Willis movies. And there's this guy there who's like you when you're grumpy, but all the time." 

A smile crept onto Jade's lips, and all thoughts of Roxy were swept from her mind. "Sure, why not. But you're coming with me to the anime club's Squiddles night later, got it?" 

"Deal!"


End file.
